Another year wherein I love to watch a movey! Forgive any typos, I wrote this all in one shot.
THE STATS
The discrepancy between “diary entries” and “reviews” makes me think that I forgot to log some movies, but in any case this is the most movies I’ve watched in a year since 2017.
THE FIRST MOVIE OF THE YEAR
The Assent
Ok, so the first movie I watched in 2020 was an indie horror movie I did Not like! Extremely fitting.
2020 IN THEATERS
Color Out Of Space
I’m always(?) happy to see Nic Cage “on one” but this didn’t do it for me. I also just hate Lovecraft and wish we would stop remaking his shit! Saw it at The Music Box! (feel like shit just want her back)
Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn)
A lot of fun! Chris Messina wore a really gay shirt, I loved it.
Sonic The Hedgehog
Portrait Of A Lady On Fire
Oh absolutely phenomenal. Caught it at The Music Box and was crying in-between two strange men for the last 15 minutes of the movie. Celine Sciamma was there to do a Q&A at the end too!!
My Hero Academia: Heroes Rising
I love to watch an anime movie with my friends! The fight scenes were extremely good. This was my last time at a movie theater and it was in March, RIP.
THE HORROR PIT
I love horror and I love watching horror movies! The numbers don’t lie.
The being said, I don’t want to talk about like 90% of them. Not because they’re bad (although some of them…are…) but because I don’t want to! Thus, into the Pit they go.
The Marshes, Assimilate, Doom: Annihilation, Luz, Annabelle Comes Home, Zombie Flesh Eaters, Trick, Come To Daddy (elijah wood as “““norval”””), The Mimic, Camp Cold Brook, The Head Hunter, I Hate The Man In My Basement (send me to jail because I found myself thinking this movie about a man keeping his wife’s killer locked up in his basement was “cute”), Time Trap, The Dare, The Lodge (enough), Berberian Sound studio, Island Zero, Confessional, Big Legend, The Vast Of Night, The Jack In The Box, Warning: Do Not Play, Beckoning The Butcher, Knuckleball, Remains, The Darkness, Scare Package (enough!!), The Triangle, Creepy, Phantom Of The Paradise (I’m a hater, sorry), Dead End, Underwater, After Midnight, Dark Places, Driven, Useless Humans, The Beyond, Trespassers, The Room, Hellraiser: Judgment, The Owners, Them, The Sacrament, The Dark Tapes, True Fiction, Near Dark (werewolves would never pull this kind of shit), Ju-on: The Grudge 2, My Blood Valentine, My Bloody Valentine 3D (how does Jensen Ackles get his voice to sound like that), Dead Silence, Prom Night (modern movies need more Revenge Choreography! also this scene is sick), C.H.U.D., Cupid, The Burrowers, Open 24 Hours, Devil’s Gate (Shawn Ashmore led me astray but I can only blame myself), Escape Room, The Mortuary Collection, The Cleansing Hour, I See You, Tenebre, Dark Night Of The Scarerow, We Summon The Darkness, Porno, Z, 12 Hour Shift, The Pale Door, Harbinger Down, Alice Sweet Alice, Long Weekend, Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (probably my favorite of the franchise, definitely has my favorite scene), Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives, Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood, Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday, Jason X (sorry to be a player hater but I hate the Friday The 13th franchise, it’s so boring! There are maybe enough scenes between every movie to make one (1) good movie. Jason has all the qualities to be the Hottest Horror Hunk and yet they never make it happen! “you always talk about this” BECAUSE I’M RIGHT!!!)
THE HORROR PIT (GOOD VERSION)
The Taking Of Deborah Logan, Cure, Husk, Gags The Clown, Hellraiser, Rabid, Butterfly Kisses (I love good indie found footage), Dead Of Night, Dead & Buried, A Field In England, The Lure, Let’s Scare Jessica To Death, Volition (this is sci-fi and not horror but I’m not making another heading for it!)
Picnic At Hanging Rock
Weird dreamy horror about colonialism (and also being gay?) Me and my girlies love to disappear without a trace!
Sole Survivor
“It’s like once, I bought this dress…Expensive, so I charged it. And it never showed up on my bill. So I thought, ‘Great! A mistake in my favor! I’ll just keep my mouth shut.’ It’s kind of the same thing I felt when I came to after the crash.”
One of my new all-time favorite horror movies. A dreamier, weirder, scarier precursor to things like Final Destination. Genuinely haunting.
Stage Fright
ok so as some of my friends know, I have an affinity for Men With Bird Heads (I genuinely can’t explain any further) so obviously I loved this movie about a Dramatic Owl Headed Dude who kills people
Messiah Of Evil
Another new all-time favorite. Oh, how I long to bathe in the light of a blood red moon.
The Thaw
Lethally 2000s eco-horror about parasitic vertebrates (yes! yes!!) starring Aaron Ashmore, that’s more than enough
Frozen
Horrible things happen to skiers and I couldn’t be happier
BIG MANS (MOVIES WITH CREATURES)
Rogue
I can’t explain the appeal of watching a large crocodile wreak havoc but I do love it.
Bait
Bunch of people get trapped in a flooded grocery store with some sharks. THIS is cinema.
Shark Night 3D
“triple dub dot save your sharks dot com”
Animal
So right before he dies, the twink reveals to his friend that her (now deceased) boyfriend was gay and also they fucked. Honestly go off. Also: Keke Palmer is in this! She loves horror and I’d love to see her in more horror.
King Kong
The only good thing about this movie were the giant bugs! Godzilla could kick King Kong’s ass!!!
Of Unknown Origin
Peter Weller faces off with a Giant Rat and I couldn’t be happier. Weird little movie that I’ve been meaning to write some Words about.
LET’S HEAR IT FOR THE WORMS!
I’m a horrible little creature who loves other horrible little creatures.
The Beach House
Horrid little ocean worms! There’s a scene where the protagonist has to pull one of them out of her foot and it’s truly disgusting, thank you!
Sea Fever
Good horror, good oceanic worms. There’s a part in the movie where the ecologist is begging everyone to stay on the ship for at least 72 hours so they can be sure they won’t spread The Worms to other people and they essentially all tell her to fuck off :’)
2020 Horror Of Note
Impetigore
Another solid, stylish scary movie from Joko Anwar.
Host
I love that this movie is only as long as a Zoom call. Genuinely spooky and fun use of the medium.
The Pool
Deranged. This is a movie where a man named Day gets stuck in 6m pool with his injured girlfriend and a crocodile. At one point he escapes the pool through a tunnel and finds himself in a different 6m pool. His dog is just watching all this happen. He gets a pizza delivered and his dog eats it. Give us The Pool 2 where the now elderly Day is stuck in a 6m deep pool with his grown-up child.
The Call
This has the feel of an edgy visual novel like Steins;Gate or something and I love that.
Freaky
I thought it was fun but something didn’t land for me. It got one thing very right: horror needs More gay chaos.
1BR
Cults are scary!
Relic
This movie made me incredibly sad. What if your mind was a haunted house? What if you got lost in it?
Blood Vessel
tfw no soviet vampire hunting boyfriend
Sputnik
tfw no soviet cosmonaut boyfriend
Nobody Sleeps In The Woods Tonight
I’ve been working on something where I talk about this movie and how it relates to a trend contemporary horror where the looming villain of the story isn’t One Figure but a world utterly hostile to their existence. It honestly might move away from this movie entirely because I’ve started writing about what I think the appeal of a slasher is, and what a slasher can do. In any case, I liked this movie. One of the rules of a slasher is “don’t humanize the grist for the mill,” and it’s wild to see how much everything changes when you do.
The Invisible Man
Ok so in movies where like the villain sends e-mails / text messages from the protagonist’s laptop / phone and the recipients just take them at face value never fail to send me. Like if my friends were to receive a strongly worded e-mail from me about how I hate them and don’t want to be friends anymore, I would like to think they’d go “whoa is this guy doing alright” as opposed to “fuck this guy.” I don’t know I just think it’s wild that the sister gets this mean e-mail and is like “ok it’s your fault you were in an abusive relationship.” Anyway I think this movie generally fine and obviously got a disproportionate amount of hate because people hate women.
The Rental
phew ok we’re done with horror
I’m Late
Hustlers
go off queen unironically, hashtag girlbosses unironically
Corpus Christi
Dude can make some wild faces
A Serious Man
good but I’m seriously asking if someone can tell me what’s up with the Coens and Asians
Free Fire
everyone’s hot in this movie but sometimes………………that’s not enough
Animated
Scooby-Doo On Zombie Island
perfect, also Beau (the gardener) is hot
I Lost My Body
This movie is so gorgeous and reminds me how I hate how [American] animation is heavy on: 1.) Photorealism as “better” animation and 2.) Pixar
Pokémon: Mewtwo Strikes Back — Evolution
Maybe it’s just because I’m a slut for Pokemon but I think the animation looks fine! Let Ash and his friends look a little weird, who cares! I’d like to see more stylish approaches to 3D animation. Maybe I’ll just re-watch Into The Spider-Verse!
Scoob!
I don’t care if it means I have a Lowest Common Denominator x Children’s Focus Group sense of humor, I laughed and had fun! Stop putting Mark Wahlberg in things though.
Justice League Dark: Apokolips War
I Lived It: I Bottomed For A Shark
Mr. Bug Goes To Town
Gee weeds! Evan Dahm, a cartoonist I really like (Rice Boy, Vattu), started The Ambiguity Program this year. Every Sunday he’ll curate and stream a bunch of strange or old pieces of animation. For example, he has streamed a lot of Soviet bloc oil commercials. This was one of the features he streamed, and it was a lot of fun absolutely dogpiling Hoppity (the protagonist grasshopper) for being the worst creature in existence. Anyway, it’s very cool to see animation throughout the ages, especially the weirder, more bizarre, and more amateur stuff. People love making things! I haven’t watched The Ambiguity Program in a while, but I’m glad it exists.
The Boldly Buzzing Fly is one of my favorite shorts he’s played. It’s about a bunch of bugs having a tea party and a stylish fencing mosquito.
Comedy
Don’t Think Twice
Very fitting that this very white movie about improv didn’t make me laugh but did make me emo.
Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping
Palm Springs
it’s funny and charming but god I cannot stop thinking about how much I want to be there!!! also why Andy Samberg is hot!!
I’M GAY
My Own Private Idaho
I think this movie is very special.
Purple Noon
I’m gay…and evil!!! >:)
The Living End
Not sure about the ending and still peeved that the Criterion Channel description promised me a movie about two gays going on a cross-country homophobe killing spree.
The Watermelon Woman
Amazing!
Water Lillies
When Marie takes Floriane’s mostly eaten apple core out of the garbage and eats it I was like “girl, no!!” but on a metaphorical level I was like “it do be like this.”
The Blonde One
I do NOT remember anything about this movie outside of how HORNY it was!! There’s no way I could watch this with other people!!! I’m extremely “no thoughts, head empty” about this movie.
We Are Thr3e
“We can’t live in a fantasy world.”
“Why not?”
Very cute, warm queer movie that’s not interested in explaining itself. Love the part where the triad triumphantly walks down a street like they just won The Big Game intercut with scenes of them just being domestic.
WESTERNS
Blood on the Moon
The Criterion Channel had a Western Noir thing going on and I thought the dude in this movie’s thumbnail looked cute! He was! Tending to someone’s wounds is…well…you know…;)
Lust For Gold
When with a brutish but sensitive hunk with an insane amount of money fall in love with ME? I actually watched this because I saw Ida Lupino plays the lead, and she directed a favorite of mine: The Hitch-Hiker. It’s on YouTube!
I HAVE NETFLIX (I SHOULD HAVE PLOTTED THESE CATEGORIES BETTER)
Enola Holmes (I liked it and would watch a sequel), Project Power
FOR THE BOYS
RocknRolla
The only thing about this movie that matters is Gay Tom Hardy.
Batmin Begins / The Dark Knight / The Dark Knight Rises
Yes I absolutely did just watch the trilogy so I could revisit Tom Hardy’s Bane performance now that I know about Tom. Nolan’s politics are wack and he loves cops way too much but Bane rules. I genuinely love the voice and he’s Very Big.
Stardust
I love Netflix’s Daredevil As Played By Charlie Cox! This movie rules and I love Charlie’s glow up from “Unfortunate Little Village Boy” to “Gay Swashbuckler.”
Only God Forgives
Ryan Gosling looks good in a suit!
The Old Guard
Luca Marinelli
The Rover
It’s so wild that I’ve finally come around to RobPat (I just think he’s neat) but I cannot find a single movie he’s in that I like. Best part about this movie is when he quietly sings along to certified banger “Pretty Girl Rock” in his car in the middle of a desert wasteland.
Girl On The Third Floor
A solid, stylish, slimy horror movie that I was looking forward to EVEN BEFORE I realized CM Punk was the lead!
Immortals
imo I think Henry Cavill’s best look is when he was building that PC.
Prospect
I open my laptop. I go to google dot com. I search “pedro pascal wiki.” I click the link. I scroll to “Personal life.” I see This.
WITH THE BOYS (GENDER-NEUTRAL USE OF “BOYS”)
Late into 2020 I started streaming movies for some friends.
Cellular
Everyone wanting to watch Cellular is what started the movie nights! I mentioned watching Cellular a while back and my friend revealed she watched it a long, long time ago and would love to re-watch it. It still owns. Also:
Jennifer’s Body
Brain Genius tier.
Snowpiercer
Deep Blue Sea
Galaxy Quest
Um why is Tony Shalhoub seducing me………………..
Portrait Of A Lady On Fire
I’m doing my part to spread the gay agenda!! Everyone loves it!!!
VERY IMPORTANT
A Simple Favor
What the fuck!!!!!! This movie rules so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had so much fun watching this mommy blogger detective noir! Desperately want to watch this with friends! Give Patti and Aparna more to do!
The Nice Guys
I ordered take-out (funded by my friends,) bought a 1.5L bottle of wine, and re-watched this for the third time on my 25th birthday! This movie makes me laugh every time. The trio of Stoic Bruiser + Manic Private Detective + Precocious Daughter is undefeated.
Alright homestretch:
:(
I’m Thinking Of Ending Things
Genuinely the worst movie watching experience I’ve had in recent memory.
The Devil All The Time
Goddammit, Robert!!
Tenet
Honestly I think Robert’s alright in this one but I went through my Doctor Who phase in high school so the movie doesn’t do anything for me.
:|
The New Mutants
I saw a hawk through my kitchen window while watching this movie!! I ran to get my binoculars and it was gone by the time I found them but then it came back! It was a very special moment that I think about often. I felt like I was part of the world.
Shithouse
it’s too white and it’s too boy but also it’s fine or maybe good? idk
:)
Deerskin
me with my Pokemon buttondowns
Possessor: Uncut
Ooooh I love being a little meat puppet people can buy and sell without me knowing about it! And my galaxy brain take is that this movie isn’t about Mark Zuckerberg or Facebook but also it actually is.
Black Bear
What’s worse: cishet couples or auteurs?
Swallow
I’m still turning this one over in my head. I’m pretty sure I like it but I don’t know what to say about it. Maybe this belongs in the liminal space between “:|” and “:)”
Martin Eden
can’t decide whether the film or Luca Marinelli is more handsome.
Mangrove
The relief I felt when they won. Sucks that Letitia Wright is like, an anti-vaxxer now, lmao?
Sorry I Missed You
Minari, Nomadland, The Assistant, Promising Young Woman, The Nest, Shirley, Another Round, Undine, Wolfwalkers, Soul, and undoubtedly some more!
The Best (In No Particular Order)
I’m bad at ranking things, and also I kind of don’t want to!
The Kid Detective
Just a very fun neo-noir dark comedy!! I love a good private detective story. I like how it juggles feeling like an Adult Detective working within a YA story and a Kid Detective Working within an Adult Story. Who would have thought that being a Child Detective would uhhh traumatize someone well into adulthood?
Lovers Rock
Lush and vibrant. Love that you can see the themes of Mangrove play out here too. I want to go to a party!
Bad Education
This movie rules. The weird energy of Thoroughbreds is here, just in a different form. Geraldine Viswanathan rules and I love a dogged young reporter!
His House
“After all we’ve endured, after what we have seen…What men can do, you think it is bumps in the night that frighten me? You think I can be afraid of ghosts?”
Phenomenal ghost story of sorts. Haunting and beautiful last few shots. Wunmi Mosaku as Rial is the MVP here.
The Wolf Of Snow Hollow
I’ve been flying dangerously close to “genuine simp” levels re: Jim Cummings. What can I say, I love his two movies and it’s still wildly insane that he writes, directs. and acts in them. Snow Hollow takes the Useless Cop Character who’d just be there for a Bit or a Punchline in a horror movie and makes him the focus of the entire movie. “It’s a cop movie!” Yeah ok but it’s about the kind of blustering, immature oaf who becomes a cop in the first place.
The Best Of The Best (Vaguely In Order But Don’t Worry About It!)
First Cow
I really do think the defining moment of this film for me happens within the first five minutes when Cookie comes across a salamander on its back and gently flips it over. I put off watching this movie for so long (I watched it on Christmas) and I’m glad I did! It’s extremely gentle and warm and honestly I wasn’t really in a place to watch a movie like this for most of the year, if that makes sense. Reading about it makes me like it more. I feel like I’m still not quite dialed into its frequency, but that is ok.
Sound Of Metal
Really good, thoughtful movie that reminds me a lot of The Farewell. Makes me feel lucky to be able to watch a movie! But also: Riz is so On in this movie it’s thrown me into crisis. It’s evil that I have to watch so many movies about white boys when hot brown dudes are Out There!! Should I bleach my hair? Should I take a screenshot of Riz in this movie and show it to a stylist and say “I want to look like this” and then if I don’t like it I can just buzz it which is something else this movie makes me want to do? Representation is so dangerous
Bacurau
This one really shook me. Distilled, potent rage in addition to just being a Good Movie. It’s got qualities of both, but it’s less “aren’t you tired of being nice? don’t you want to go ape shitt?” and more “I’m a nice person about I’m about to start throwing rocks.” I won’t ask if that makes sense, because I know it does.
Portrait Of A Lady On Fire
“Perhaps she was the one who said turn around”
God! There’s so much to talk about with Portrait but I keep coming back to that Orpheus / Eurydice conversation and how it plays out through the rest of the movie. I cried so much at the ending. I keep thinking about what Celine Sciamma said during her Q&A re: the ending and how it’s a chance for the audience to say goodbye to the experience of watching the film. I think watching Portrait at The Music Box is maybe the most magical theater experience I’ve ever had. If I really had to choose a movie to be my “Best Of 2020” it’d be this one.
There you have it. I look forward to watching a movey in 2021. See you then!
